Polyjuice
by greysky3
Summary: James is tired of guessing at what Lily is thinking. One day, he decides to impersonate one of her friends. He will definitely learn more than he had in mind. One-shot, Jily.


Remus Lupin entered the Common Room clumsily, and panting heavily. His usually neat golden brown hair was a mess, and he was hastily trying to cover a phial he had in his robes. Remus let himself fall on a couch near the fire. On the opposing couch was James Potter.

James didn't look up, though he knew Remus was there. "I just ran all the way from the Room of Requirement to escape teachers," said Remus.

"Do you have it?" asked James, finally looking up.

"The Polyjuice? Yes," said Remus. He held up the phial and James made a grab for it. Remus held it out of reach.

"You still haven't told me why you want this," mused Remus. "And it did take very long to brew..."

"Just shut up and take the ten Galleons," said James sourly.

"Just shut up and tell me," mimicked Remus.

"That doesn't even make sense!" James protested. "Fine. I-want-to-Polyjuice-myself-into-Mary-for-the-night ." The words came out in a rush.

"Mary McDonald? And where will she sleep?"

"In my bed," said James.

"No bloody way, mate."

"She fancies you, Mary does." James's words had the desired effect. Remus frowned, sputtered, froze, and finally handed over the phial. James poured Galleons onto Remus's lap and left before he could take it back.

! #$%^&*

"Are you sure?" asked Mary, taking the phial dubiously.

"Yes. Just take a strand of your hair," said James. Mary eyed James and carefully plucked a strand of her strawberry-blond hair. She stuffed it into the phial and the potion fizzed, turning bright orange.

James nodded at Mary. She had gotten him up the stairs without them turning to a slide, she could now go. Mary rushed off and James gulped the potion. He shot down, his leg bones shortening, and his hair was growing quickly and turning pale orange.

He felt his chin turning rounder, and his bones burning as they rearranged. Freckles popped out on his hands and nose, feeling like tiny pinpricks. Soon, James had turned into Mary McDonald.

He strode confidently into the girls' dormitory, now a seventeen-year-old girl in appearance. The door opened and he saw Lily look up. Those emerald green eyes he just couldn't get enough of stared into his. Or rather, into Mary's.

"Oi, Mary! Where were you?'' asked Marlene McKinnon playfully. She was pulling her long blond hair into a ponytail.

"Talking to Remus Lupin," said James. He realized his mistake only too late.

"Ooh, were you?" asked Marlene, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"Mars..." admonished Lily.

James sat on the edge of the nearest empty bed. "What're you doing on Dorcas's bed?'' asked Hestia Jones from the corner.

"Er..."

"Confunded, were you?" asked Hestia.

"Yeah," said James, glad for an excuse. "It was James Potter."

He scanned the room to check how the girls would react to his name, but none of them so much as flinched. Only Lily reacted; she made a noise somewhere between a snort and a cough.

"Are you upset we mentioned Potter?" asked Marlene with a little giggle.

"Let's talk about something else," said Lily.

"No, let's talk about Jaaaames," said he, seizing his chance.

"Ma-ry!" protested Lily. James froze. Was he being un-Mary-like? Lily recovered quickly.

"How about we talk about Remus?" suggested Lily.

"Yeah! What do you even see in him?" asked Hestia. The girls all looked at him expectantly.

"Well, er, he's... cute," said James, dying a little inside, "and... really nice..."

"Aren't we eloquent today," remarked Lily sarcastically. She picked up a book that was on her bedside table and began to read.

"Let's talk about how you fancy Potter, then," said Marlene. James's heart leaped, even more so when Lily reddened and mumbled an unconvincing "don't."

"Lils?"

"Lilykins?"

"EVANS, WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?" shouted Marlene. Lily jumped and dropped her book.

"So you admit you fancy James Potter," said Hestia. James remembered he was Mary, and started giggling, to not be sitting there idly.

"I never...said that," said Lily swiping at her book. She retrieved it but didn't continue to read.

"Sirius owes me five Galleons!" said Marlene.

"It doesn't matter, Sirius gives you money anyway because you're his girlfriend. But Dorcas owes seven Galleons!" exclaimed Hestia.

"You lot were betting on me?" asked Lily, outraged.

"And Marlene and I get another five Galleons each from Dorcas if you snog Potter. Think of your friends, Lilykins! Just snog him!" said Hestia.

Lily just shook her head and turned away from her friends. The door opened and Dorcas Meadowes strode in, still in her Quidditch robes. She turned to James.

"Mary? Off my bed. Now," she said. James scampered off of her bed and went into the other empty one, presumably Mary's.

"Oh Dorcas," sang Hestia. "You owe me seven Galleons."

"What?" she asked, confused. She then turned to Lily. "WHAT? Lily? You.. Potter?" she spluttered.

"Pay up, Dor," said Hestia. Dorcas fished a few coins from her pocket and threw them at Hestia's face. The young witch caught them happily.

"You're quiet today, aren't you, Mary?" asked Marlene. James shrugged.

"Mary... your...your hair..." exclaimed Hestia in horror.

"It's turning black!" Lily exclaimed.

"Damn, Moony!" James cursed.

"Moony?" said Dorcas.

But it was too late. James could feel himself growing taller, and his freckles were disappearing. His vision blurred and he pulled out his glasses from the inside of his robes.

"POTTER! I WILL MURDER YOU PERSONALLY!" Lily was screeching. The three other girls were restraining her. She started shooting spells wildly around the room and they let her go. "YOU!" she shrieked, advancing on James.

"Oh no," moaned Dorcas.

"She's going to kill him," said Marlene.

"She grabbed him, is she going to choke him?" Hestia wondered.

"WHOA!''

"MERLIN'S BEARD!"

"GALLOPING GARGOYLES, IS SHE-?"

Hestia was the first to recover. "Dorcas, you owe Mars and I another five Galleons each.


End file.
